Hope For The Spiritually Gaslit
Our deepest wounds often come from people we thought we could trust before we discover that they had ulterior motives. Sadly, the depth of the pain and the level of trust usually correspond directly to one another. The more trust there was, the deeper the wound we were left with. This is why Jesus leaves space in his Sermon on the Mount to warn us about our ability to gaslight one another, and our proclivities to use God to do it.
In Matthew 5:33-37, Jesus brings up a seemingly irrelevant admonishment to not swear oaths, either by "heaven" or "Jerusalem" or even your own "head". Now if you are anything like most of us, you've probably never sworn an oath, and you especially probably haven't sworn one by heaven, Jerusalem, or your own noggin. So it is easy to breeze quickly through this portion of the sermon to something more relevant.
But Jesus has just addressed something that brings the kind of pain that has prompted many to walk away from church and faith and second guess everything they thought they knew about God's care for them - spiritual gaslighting. In Jesus' time, as in ours, people had realized they could "spiritually strong-arm" people into getting what they wanted or serving their own purposes. And they would swear an oath to do it (if you want more context you can explore The Bible Project's excellent podcast on "oaths" here).
But Jesus has just addressed something that brings the kind of pain that has prompted many to walk away from church and faith and second guess everything they thought they knew about God's care for them - spiritual gaslighting.
You see, "oath" swearing was about appearing more spiritual or close to God to gain someone's trust. If you tell someone you need them to do something for you, they might do it or they might not, but at least they have the freedom to evoke their own sense of judgment and discernment about what is being asked of them before agreeing to it. But swear an oath on something that sounds spiritual (like Jerusalem or heaven) and all of a sudden God is on your side. And with God backing you, most honest, humble, God-fearing people would not want to oppose you. And who can blame them?
If you tell someone you need them to do something for you, they might do it or they might not, but at least they have the freedom to evoke their own sense of judgment and discernment about what is being asked of them before agreeing to it.
Jesus tells us that this comes “from the evil one”. The primary role of the evil one, or “the satan”, in the scriptures is to manipulate and confuse people by twisting what God has said to destroy their trust in God and one another. This is the narrative of Genesis 3, when the serpent comes to humanity and asks, “Did God really say?” He is proposing that God is not really for them, God is holding out on them somehow and doesn’t really have their greatest good in mind. The question is designed to create mistrust. Their confidence in God’s care for them dissolves, evident by the fact that they hide from Him after eating the fruit, even though He has done nothing but pour out his abundant goodness on them (Gen. 1:27-31) and has never done anything to harm them. They no longer trust God or one another, as they blame each other for the pain they have caused. This is the role of the evil one - to take what God meant for good and use it and manipulate it to serve his own purposes.
And so "oath" swearing became a way to prey on people's trust and good faith to work angles, appear more authoritative, or manipulate others' perceptions. As Dallas Willard asserts in his Divine Conspiracy, "The essence of swearing or making oaths is to try to use something that, though impressive, is irrelevant to the issues at hand to get others to believe you and let you have your way. We are making use of people, trying to bypass their understanding and judgment to trigger their will and possess them for our purposes. Whatever consent they give to us will be uninformed because we have short-circuited their understanding of what is going on." The author of Hebrews expresses it this way in Hebrews 6:6, "People swear by someone greater than themselves, and the oath confirms what is said and puts an end to all arguments".
The essence of swearing or making oaths is to try to use something that, though impressive, is irrelevant to the issues at hand to get others to believe you and let you have your way. We are making use of people, trying to bypass their understanding and judgment to trigger their will and possess them for our purposes. Whatever consent they give to us will be uninformed because we have short-circuited their understanding of what is going on.
All of us have probably had someone evoke the "God card" or come from a place of spiritual or theological certainty just to end the argument, dismiss our questions or curiosity, or simply force us into an agreement with their position. Here are just a few of the ways this commonly happens:
When we say our position for anything is the "biblical" one, what we are often doing is ending the argument or discussion before it can even begin (as Hebrews 6:6 asserts). When we claim that Scripture is "abundantly clear" on a position that we happen to hold, we can be strong-arming those who might hold a different position. Clarity is important, but claiming our position is "abundantly obvious" does nothing but shame, slam, ostracize, or dismiss the other side. Terms like biblical marriage, biblical manhood, biblical womanhood, biblical leader, biblical church, or biblical stances on abortion, government, race, etc., often get thrown around as spiritual weapons used to dismiss or shame anyone who doesn't define those terms in exactly the same way.
We are at great risk with our social media, especially as Christians, in doing this. Social media allows us to craft narratives and control others' perceptions of us that can serve our own purposes. There is no easier way to gain "uninformed" followers and "short-circuit their understanding of what is really going on" than through social media. If you have ever felt yourself discouraged or disillusioned by what you see online, take heart, you might be noticing what Jesus is beckoning us to abandon.
Whenever someone tells you that "God has shown up" or "God has spoken" to them or they are "excited about what God has been doing" (all phrases I hear churches and leaders use often), be mindful and discerning. This is often the modern equivalent of oath swearing. While God certainly shows up and absolutely does speak to us and is most definitely doing things among us, these are moments of divine mercy, they are often hard to recognize initially and rarely happen in the way we expect. Someone who seems suspiciously in sync with everything God is "doing" may be just hearing what they want to hear, seeing what they want to see, or crafting an impressive narrative that works in their favor.
It is important to understand that all of us have this tendency. Jesus' hope here is that we can always remain aware of our tendencies to use people to serve our own purposes, reassure our own insecurities, enforce our need for control or power in our lives, or appear successful. And whenever we use God to do it, we create a system of broken trust and spiritual pain that can leave scars. But by letting God be God and our "'yes' be our 'yes' and our 'no' be our 'no'" we enter into the trust, connection, and vulnerability that Jesus wants for His followers. At the heart of Jesus' gospel, His "Good News”, is the hope that through the work of His Holy Spirit, we can learn to trust one another again. We no longer have to isolate to protect ourselves. We have the freedom to stop manipulating and controlling one another and to start enjoying trusting relationships with one another.
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Matthew 5:33-37
“Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.