Grace Wants to Destroy Your Self-Judgment: Understanding the True Purpose of the Cross

The greatest tragedy of your life is that you judge yourself. Karl Barth called this the "chief sin" of humanity. The sin by which all other sins flow, the vice that breeds all other vices. We like to say in church that Jesus died to save you from your sins (1 Cor 15:3), but what exactly does that mean? What does "saving you" from your sins change about you?

Perhaps rightly, we are hesitant to engage in the topic of "sin" because of how often that word has been used and abused as a religious sledgehammer for moral conformity. However, we risk missing the "good news" of the gospel if we pass on the topic too quickly, especially if we haven't taken the time to understand what sin is and how it impacts us. When we think of sin, we often think of all the "bad" or wrong things we've done. We might list the vices we indulge in - maybe we drink too much, curse too much, lie too much, get angry too often, or succumb to unhealthy ways of engaging our sexuality. But thinking about sin in strictly "moral" terms is misguided and distracts us from what the grace of God in Christ is trying to free us from. God did not come to save you from all the bad things you do; those aren't the things that weigh heavy on your soul. He came to free you from the ways you judge yourself.

But thinking about sin in strictly "moral" terms is misguided and distracts us from what the grace of God in Christ is trying to free us from.

You might falsely assume that your sins cause your guilt or shame, but they aren't the source of your guilt or shame. Therefore, stopping them won't save you! They aren't what you needed to "be saved" from in the first place. In Genesis 2:16-17, humanity rebels against their loving Creator by eating from the tree of the "knowledge of good and evil." What happened in our disobedience was not that we ate something God told us not to (like my kids sneaking in a cookie before dinner). Our disobedience was that we set ourselves up as judges over ourselves. We insisted on determining our value for ourselves and others. Instead of finding our worth in the embrace of God, we chose to search for it in our value assessments of ourselves. But by being our judge, we didn't find freedom, only bondage. We became, as Henri Nouwen writes, "deaf to the voice of love" and preoccupied with proving our worth. The truth that God has "fashioned us in secret, and loves us down to the very depths of our being" (Ps 139) no longer guided our lives. Instead, our drive to demonstrate our value to ourselves and others did.

You might falsely assume that your sins cause your guilt or shame, but they aren't the source of your guilt or shame. Therefore, stopping them won't save you! They aren't what you needed to "be saved" from in the first place.

Our judgments regarding our self-worth rule every aspect of our life. The New Testament writers describe this as being "enslaved" to sin (Rom 6:5-7). Think of how much it has"ruled" over you. Even in your earliest years, you try to demonstrate to your parents and teachers that you are good and smart and lovable. If you received messages from them that you weren't, you've probably spent your whole trying to unhear them. As we age, we strive for confirmation of our value through our work, through our parenting (and sometimes unhealthily through our children), and the approval of others. We aren't ok with not feeling ok about ourselves, so we hide. We get addicted to things that distract us or numb us from the shame, guilt, or fear we feel inside of ourselves about ourselves. We go to great lengths to manage our physical appearances, sometimes to the point of self-harm. We explode in anger or become defensive as we try to overcompensate for the feeling of smallness that wells up when we feel snubbed or dismissed. The role of the judge, and all of our self-assessments regarding our worth and value, are such a heavy burden for us. Henri Nouwen describes this burden this way, "Before I am even fully aware of it, I find myself wondering why someone hurt me, rejected me, or didn't pay attention to me. Without realizing it, I find myself brooding about someone else's success, my own loneliness, and the way the world abuses me. Despite my conscious intentions, I often catch myself daydreaming about becoming rich, powerful, and very famous. All of these mental games reveal to me the fragility of my faith that I am the Beloved One on whom God's favor rests. I am so afraid of being disliked, blamed, put aside, passed over, or ignored that I am constantly developing strategies to defend myself and thereby assure myself of the love I think I need and deserve."

We judge others so that we can feel better about ourselves. But even then, we find ourselves ensnared by our own judgments. Brené Brown writes, "Research tells us that we judge people in areas where we're vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we're doing. If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people's choices. If I feel good about my body, I don't go around making fun of other people's weight or appearance. We're hard on each other because we're using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived shaming deficiency." As it turns out, everything we do, the decisions we make, the ways we hide, and the "sins" we succumb to, all stem from this "perceived deficiency" in ourselves. And this is precisely what Jesus has come to save you from! I am not being overly sentimental here. This truth deeply resonates throughout the entire Bible. This is the chief "sin" that Christ came to save you from! He came to take back the role of judge from you.

This is the salvation that God is offering you in Christ. This is what the New Testament means by "freedom in Christ" (Gal 5:1). The gospel offers us the opportunity to step down as our own judge. It was a role we were never created for in the first place. But we can only do this if we trust God as our judge. And we can only do that if we understand that God is truly for us. Paul describes this freedom this way in 1 Corinthians 4:3-5, "I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God." Paul confirms Brene Brown's research here. By letting go of his internal judgments, he can also let go of the judgments of others. His worth is now only found in the love God has for him.

The gospel offers us the opportunity to step down as our own judge. It was a role we were never created for in the first place. But we can only do this if we trust God as our judge. And we can only do that if we understand that God is truly for us.

We are used to a penal legal system where a "judge" is often there to pronounce guilt and punishment on an offending party. But the Bible describes the kind of judge Jesus is for us as an "advocate" (1 Jn 2:1). This requires us to unlearn what we think "judge" means and trust in God's relentless pursuit of us as His beloved. When our "eyes are opened" by the gospel, they become closed to our judgments. Our judgments no longer matter. It takes time, but with grace, we can learn to let go of their power over us. When that happens, we find that God's work in Jesus was never to turn us into moral, more acceptable people. It was to free us from our judgments of ourselves (Rom 8:1). Your pre-gospel life meant being held under the yoke of judgments regarding our worth, you post-gospel life sets you free from all of it. The Loving Judge was judged in your place, so that judgment of any kind, from any source, no longer speaks to your worth and value. The gospel gives you permission to stop judging yourself. This is God's good news.