The Secret to Happiness is Forgiveness
The London Times asked the top intellectuals in England to write an essay on what they each thought was wrong with the world. Out of all the respondents, Christian art critic G.K. Chesterton had the shortest essay:
I am.
Sincerely Yours,
G.K. Chesterton
Two thousand years before that, Jesus was approached by a sibling who wanted him to get involved in a family conflict in Luke 12:13-21. "Teacher," he demands, "tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.” For reasons unbeknownst to us, the man's older brother was refusing to split their father's inheritance with him. Our initial assessment might be that the older brother was being unfair (this is probably the conclusion the younger brother wanted us, and Jesus, to draw). But the laws in this culture gave authority to the oldest sibling of a family to divide any inheritance among the younger siblings in whatever way they thought wisest. It's possible the older brother was being a jerk, it's also entirely plausible that there was a reason the rest of the family was hesitant to trust the younger brother with their father's resources. We just don't know. Regardless, Jesus responds with indignation, "Man, who made me judge over the two of you?" And in this short scene and the parable that follows it, we find secrets to discovering our own happiness through forgiveness:
We cannot live a life of love and intimacy with God or others until we are willing to explore how our own hearts have contributed to the brokenness around us.
If we commit to a life of forgiveness for the sake of those who have wronged us, not only do we foster their flourishing but we discover freedom and happiness for ourselves.
Jesus then tells us a parable warning us about the "insatiable desires" of the heart. It is a parable about what truly divides people. For it is the position of the man's heart, not that situation, that Jesus responds to with a parable. The younger brother could have approached Jesus by saying, "Teacher, we heard you are the Great Forgiver. Show me what needs to change in my own heart before I turn my brother into an enemy!" But this is not the position he takes. He essentially says, "My brother is at fault! Please put him in his place so that I can receive what I am entitled to!" His priority is to receive what he thinks he's owed, not reconcile with his brother. He is convinced his brother is the problem, not himself.
Jesus then tells us a parable warning us about the "insatiable desires" of the heart. It is a parable about what truly divides people. For it is the position of the man's heart, not that situation, that Jesus responds to with a parable.
In the parable, Jesus tells us about a rich man who, after a fortunate turn of events, receives much wealth for himself. He then has a conversation with himself about what to do with it all. He asks, "What should I do?" I don’t have room for all my crops." This might not strike us as an odd conversation he is having with himself, but it was to everyone who was listening. In the ancient Near East, no one decides what to do with their life and wealth by themselves. It is a deeply communal and integrated culture. Decisions like this one are made after long discussions with friends and family. But this man is alone. He has no one to talk to. He is unaware of how his priority of the self has alienated him from the people around him. His lonely dialog continues, "I’ll sit back and say to myself, 'My friend, you have enough stored away for years to come. Now take it easy! Eat, drink, and be merry!'" His loneliness continues to multiply. He concludes by having a conversation with himself about a conversation he plans to have with himself in the future!
Then God says, "You are a fool! Your life will end tonight." Every priority of the self this man had was fleeting. Then Jesus finishes by stating that unless we have a rich relationship with God, no other priority will last. Jesus tells us in Matthew 22 that the path to building a rich relationship with God comes through two commandments that are "just like" each other: love God and love people. And in case we are still unclear, John clarifies how these two commandments go hand-in-hand when he writes, "We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister."
We build wealth with God by way of loving His people. When we pursue the good of our brother or sister, we fulfill God's command and build eternal wealth. For the sake of this discussion, we will define "brother and sister" as those in our lives who operate in good faith and are open to reconciliation. So how do we build wealth with God admist the messiness of human relationships? This parable, along with G.K. Chesterton's short essay, helps give us the first key to living this way - we must always be open to examining our own hearts first. The younger brother who inspires this parable lacks self-awareness, he is convinced everyone else is the problem to his problems. You cannot remain in a loving relationship with someone who will not first examine their own heart. Nor can you love others well until you are willing to first consider how your own heart contributes to the pain and brokenness around you. Jesus shows no interest in getting involved because the younger brother is already convinced he's not the problem. The first key to happiness is leading a life of forgiveness that is always willing to first look inward before rushing outward with self-priorities.
The younger brother who inspires this parable lacks self-awareness, he is convinced everyone else is the problem to his problems. You cannot remain in a loving relationship with someone who will not first examine their own heart. Nor can you love others well until you are willing to first consider how your own heart contributes to the pain and brokenness around you.
The parable then explores our second key to happiness which is closely related to the first, although it is different from how most modern therapy has trained us to think about forgiveness. When we commit to forgiving those who have wronged us because we want their good we tap into the true nature of divine forgiveness. And it is powerful. This is different than most of our modern, therapeutic approaches to forgiveness which encourage us to forgive wrongdoers so that we can heal emotionally and release corrosive resentment. Even our forgiveness becomes more redemptive if we prioritize others over the self.
Everett Worthington is a psychologist at VCU who has led a scientific research lab on forgiveness for the past four decades. His research-based implications on forgiveness have demonstrated that when people enact forgiveness to pursue the good of those who have wronged them they eventually become as many as five times more forgiving throughout their lives than people who enact forgiveness only to benefit themselves. They also found that the increase in forgiveness spread throughout the lives and communities of the people who approached forgiveness as an opportunity to pursue the good of those who had wronged them. They found the spouses, children, and places of employment were also impacted positively. The position that forgiveness is ultimately about pursuing the good of others by setting aside the self spreads restoration to everyone around.
He then concludes in his book, Forgiving and Reconciling: Bridges to Wholeness and Hope, that forgiveness often acts like a moral muscle. The more it is practiced, the stronger it becomes. And when practiced over a lifetime, wrongs that "could not be forborne before almost seem weightless after years of practice." Paul invites his struggling church in Corinthians into spiritual health by reminding them that “love keeps no record of wrong.” When we meticulously keep a record of the wrongs we have suffered, it is corrosive and exhausting and leads to much unnecessary divisiveness, as it has for the younger brother here. But as the research supports, those who commit to a life of forgiving wrongs for the good of the wrongdoers end up carrying less weight and experience personal happiness and freedom along the way. Or as Jesus might say, they build wealth with God.
The parable then explores our second key to happiness, and it is different from how most modern therapy has trained us to think about forgiveness. When we commit to forgiving those who have wronged us because we want their good we tap into the true nature of divine forgiveness. And it is powerful.
The conversation we are having around forgiveness here in this blog primarily applies to those in our life who operate in good faith and we are in a connected relationship with - friends, spouses, coworkers, bosses, parents, and siblings. Next week we will explore the more challenging journey of forgiving our enemies as God calls us to do.
If we want to build wealth with God, let us be a people of love. We must be willing to explore how the "insatiable desires" of our own hearts might be corroding our connection to others. And when we are wronged, we must be willing to surrender our priority of self to pursue their good through grace. We define grace at Restore as giving better than is deserved - not just "not punishing" but, through abundant generosity, giving far better than is deserved. God has done this for us, let us be a church that does this for the relationships around us, including the flourishing of those who have wronged us. As Luke declares, those who love much have been forgiven much, and those who have been forgiven little love little.